Who
are the main characters? A man (An Agony. As Now.).
What
do you know about the topic/story you are reading? It
is a poem written during the civil rights movement.
What
can you imagine that is not specifically outlined? I
can imagine the desire to be someone else. The way this poem starts out it can
speak to a lot of people who are not happy with who they are inside.
What
do you think about what you read? I thought this was a
cry for help. I thought a poet like figure was describing his distain for his
own thoughts and feelings, and the more he noticed them the more pain he felt
from them.
How do you feel about what you read?
What is your emotional response? I feel
like his exploration of his internal self-being was creating hostile feelings.
For example, lines 19 through 31 he mentions “pain” and “Or pain” several times
as a theme he was experiencing. Also he battles with the notion of “flesh”
versus “soul.” It is as if he is struggling to come to terms with who he is
inside or who he wants to be, versus who he sees himself to be or who the world
sees him as being. This conflict causes him great pain and discomfort. He
further states “I am inside someone who hates me. I look out form his eyes.”
This self loathing creates feelings inside that he does not like and in fact he
references later by saying “It burns the thing inside it. And that thing
screams.” I feel bad for him to view his self this way. I know people who have
very low self-esteem and this poem made me think of them and how they feel
about themselves. Those who have low self-esteem tend to be very hard on
themselves and tend to view themselves with great pain and discomfort. They
look at themselves and do not recognize the person in the mirror, which I felt
like that is what this man was experiencing in this poem. He gave me the
impression that he was a lost soul and everything beautiful in his life was
corrupt. He was not comfortable in his own skin.
What
do you want to learn more about? I want to know why he
felt this way? What makes him self-hate the way he comes across in this poem?
Was there a specific event that happened or a series of events to trigger this kind
of thinking?
Think
about the experiences you have just read about. How would you react if these
events happened to you? I am not sure what specific events
happened to this man. However, I do sympathize with his feelings about himself.
We do not always enjoy ourselves, how we behave, or carry ourselves, so I can
relate to his feelings about himself. We all must discover who we are and that can
cause us to realize some not so nice things about ourselves. Also in trying to find
ourselves, which I think is a life-long journey as we change our views and perspectives
over time, so that we never really know who we are as a whole person. Instead, we
only understand who we are at that moment in time, because as we change our views
will change, so each revelation is a snap-shot of ourselves.
How
does this reading relate to your own life? It reminds me we
are not always going to like who we are, or we might not like everything we do
or say. So for me it is a good reminder to take these feelings to heart but do
not let them consume you. It is alright to be upset with your behavior, but
learn from it and move on. Do not let yourself constantly dwell on this mistake
and let it consume who you are, instead use it as fuel to better yourself so
that next time you will act more in line with your expectations. No one is
perfect and we cannot try to be perfect, so we nee to be open-minded towards
learning from our actions. Also we have to understand that we are living-beings,
which means we are constantly changing and not static. Thus, if you don’t like who
you are today you have the chance to adjust that moving forward and even if you
don’t consciously make adjustments over time change will happen through diffusion
from outside influences.
